Self talk.
Everyone has a voice inside them. Some people’s voice is positive and uplifting. Some peoples voice only sees their flaws and pushes them toward failure.
My voice has both, but my negative voice is dominant. Every time I see success in my life, it is met with an instant negative thought… Ok you succeeded, but now what? You’ll probably eventually fail, it’s a fluke that this went right in the first place. You’re not good enough, you just got lucky.
The very first lesson I’m working on is changing that voice. Proving that voice wrong by becoming my own “devils advocate.” For every negative thought, I need to find the facts in my life that prove it wrong. This is the biggest and the most influential lesson I’ve learned from Rachel Hollis, who talks about this often in her books.
These thoughts are not reality, they are phrases that I’ve allowed myself to believe are true. I continue to believe them because it comfortable. It’s a lot easier to exist how you always have been, rather than change your entire lifestyle. For myself, I am working on CHANGING these false beliefs. It’s hard work. It’s not easy to uproot your entire way of thinking and change it to be something that you aren’t even sure what it will look like in the end, but that’s life!
In order to change that voice I found some ways that actually work for me.
- The first way is to be more present in my brain. When I have a negative thought, I need to REALIZE that I’m having a negative thought, not just push it aside and let them build up. If you become more aware of your thoughts, they will be easier to change.
- Write down the negative thoughts you are having. For me, my negative thoughts are constantly repeating. Sure, sometimes a new one gets added to the collection, but for the most part they remain the same or are along the same lines.
- Beneath the thoughts you have written down, write down all the FACTS that counteract this thought.
At first this is going to feel silly, and maybe almost like you’re faking it. The first time I did it I felt so selfish and almost like I was bragging. But then I realized, no, these are my truths. These are facts that happened.
I’m not saying that I’m completely in love with who I am now and that all my problems alas are solved!! But, this was definitely a step in the right direction.
For those that need some inspiration to accomplish this little drill, here’s a couple of my examples that I struggle with on a daily basis:
Negative thought: My business will never succeed, there’s nothing special about me to make others want my help.
FACTS: My business is successful. I’ve helped hundreds of people in previous training jobs. I receive comments and praise from people who see my content. My clients love their programs and give constant feedback. My clients are seeing great progress. My following and pull grows stronger everyday on my social platforms. I’m able to be creative and control everything about my business. I enjoy what I do.
Negative thought: I’m not fit enough. I have too much body fat, there’s nothing special about my body.
FACTS: I am a HELL of a lot better than I was a year ago. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week consistently. I can lift more weight then ever before. My journey isn’t over. Goals take time. I’m doing all the right things.
Changing your self talk and disproving your unreal thoughts is the first step towards understanding how badass you are! Ever since I’ve been silencing that mean voice inside of me, I have been such a happy person. I see my strengths, I recognize my achievements. When you show yourself the facts of how awesome you are, it’s hard to disprove!
So please, do yourself a favor and start proving yourself wrong. Heck, if it helps, think that you are proving others wrong! There are so many mean people ready to tear you down out there, so why add one more to the mix? Be on YOUR side for once and remember that you are human, and you are amazing.
Another part of self talk that comes into play for most of us is using others as a comparison. This can be one of the most damaging things. Recognizing someone else’s success will not make you any LESS successful, so there no need to be hurtful towards others. It is possible for you to be successful and others to be successful at the same time. We can all COEXIST! These comparisons that we make up are nothing but hurtful to us and those involved. Stop comparing your success to that of someone else. Everyone has different paths they take, they have different pasts they come from. It is unrealistic to compare your life, body, or career to someone else. They may be in the middle of their journey, while you may have just started yours. If we can cut out comparisons and instead recognize what things we admire about others, we can work to better those exact traits in our lives. By RECOGNIZING and ACTIVELY REALIZING what traits you wish to incorporate in your life, you can then work towards them in your own way and shape your own kind of future, without following a “road map” of what others have done.
Maybe you love that your friend gets to work from home and has her own business. Take a step back and recognize exactly what it is about her situation you admire. Do you like that she was boss enough to build her own brand? Is it that she gets to be at home with her pets most of the days? Is it that she is confident in her current career? Once you figure out exactly WHY you long for her situation… figure out your steps. If its because she created her own brand, look at your life. What things are you passionate about. What field is your “dream job” located in? Go from there. If your dream job is in the health and fitness field, do the necessary research and start your own health and nutrition site! If you love fashion, start a fashion blog and go on “YouTube clothing hauls” to gain a following!
It is important that throughout each day you are ACTIVELY listening to your thoughts and finding the true meaning behind them. If it’s a negative thought; recognize, record, disprove. If it is a thought of comparison or jealousy; recognize, dig deeper, find your path to happiness. There is so much hidden in our thoughts, that it is necessary to dig in to them and find out what we’re really longing for. So, be kind to yourself, work on changing your negative self talk, and be kind to others.