In this post we will be exploring the minds of 13 incredible individuals with anxiety. Read with caution, as some responses could be triggering. I thank these individuals from the bottom of my heart for sharing a bit of their world with me. Let’s keep the conversation about mental illness alive and end the stigma surrounding it!
Welcome back to Part 2 of The Many Faces of Anxiety. In Part 1 we discussed what triggers anxiety; whether it’s emotions, thoughts, situations, or an unknown reason. If you missed the first part of the series, click here to read it before moving on to Part 2.
Just as we found in Part 1, that everyone’s triggers are different, we will also learn that it manifest differently. Every person living with anxiety is unique, and there is not a “one-size-fits-all” description of what anxiety presents itself as to the individual, both mentally and physically.
Today's Question:
What Does Your Anxiety Look and Feel Like to You?
In this post I challenge you to fully explore each answer given, without judgement, and try to understand what each individual is feeling. I hope this gives you a better idea about mental health and what it presents itself like to each person.
In this first answer, I love how she describes her forms of anxiety. The mental and physical effects she feels also get brought up by many people.
“Over the years, I have come to know my anxiety very well, and I have gotten really good at recognizing the mega, clear-cut anxiety symptoms that occur in my body (nerves, butterflies, fidgety, etc.). So much so, that now I come to find my anxiety shows up in more subtle, not-so recognizable ways which actually takes me longer to identify; such as body stuff like headaches, back pain, or bloat. Or symptoms related to cognitive functioning like, shorter attention span, low retention of information, forgetful, “scatter brain,” and lack of motivation/follow-through. I find these symptoms to be things that can occur at anytime for me because I also have been diagnosed with adult ADHD and gluten sensitivity. So, it takes me a while to realize and label them anxiety verses just an “off day.”
My anxiety comes in a few different forms. I like to call them my “flavors.” Just like ice cream comes in a variety of different flavors, so does my anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety flares up due to a busy schedule or heavy workload. When this happens I actually function better; I am more productive, more attentive, and the creative juices flow with ease; but when I complete the work I crash. HARD. My brain and body feel like mush and I, literally, fall asleep from overload. Other times, the anxiety comes from those around me, either from someone I am close to or from complete strangers because I tend to take on the emotions of other people- I can feel what they are feeling. When this happens, my mind goes in a spiral, my stomach usually tightens, and I become immobilized in a way; frozen not knowing what to do, where to start, or what up or down is.
Each flavor is different and comes from different stimuli. Some make their appearance everyday, others only come once in a blue moon. But no matter what, I try to think of my anxiety as a guide- as a way my brain and body are telling me something I am unconsciously missing. So, when I finally realize I am having some form of anxiety symptom, I ask myself: “What are you missing? Why are you feeling anxious right now?” Once I pick apart and dissect where they flavor came from, I can better counteract its symptoms.” -Kelsey Rehome
In this next answer, I go through what happens in my brain vs what is shown with my actions during my anxiety.
“Everyday anxiety feels like: My tasks are in the hundreds. I can’t sort them or finish them. Hobbies become tasks. Fun things become burdens. I am not good enough or strong enough to handle any of them. This drains my energy and makes it seem even more impossible to finish anything.
Everyday anxiety looks like: Me rambling. Going off on tangents about things that don’t make sense when I saw them out loud. Making lists, constantly. Comes off as “dramatic” but in my head it’s the end of the world as I know it. Over-emotional, illogical acting and talking.
Panic Attacks feel like: A tornado of obsessive thoughts growing and swirling in my head. Nothing can quite them. I am on high-alert, and there is no calming me down. My thoughts mesh together and nothing makes sense. I can’t fix it, which makes me more anxious. I want it to end but I can’t do anything about it. The world is ending.
Panic Attacks look like: Crying, shaking, doing something rhythmic with my hands to try to calm myself. Scratching myself (this is relatively new, or I’ve just recently realized it). Wanting to sleep but can’t. Need to move around. Complete loss of control with what I’m doing. It’s basically a lot of loud thoughts coming out of my mouth that no one can make sense of.” -Emily Nalbach
These next couple answers really resonated with me. They all express similar experiences mentally and physically when anxiety comes to the surface. Each person mentions racing thoughts and a racing heart. They all agree, anxiety is exhausting.
“I feel like I have an extremely wide range of anxiety because I am a generally anxious person. So it can look like anything from just having a racing mind on a normal day and questioning things more than your average human to an embarrassing, exhausting, hyperventilating panic attack.”-M.D.
“Anxiety feels sometimes like just being nervous and unsure with any real reason WHY – sometimes there is no known trigger. Sometimes you wake up with a pit in your stomach and you just cannot shake it. When your heart is racing and you are in a very sad mindset, sometimes the feeling that every aspect of your life seems to be a failure – this can happen and feel like an “attack” or last a few days or weeks.”-Heather Riviere-Piehl
“When I’m having an anxiety attack… my chest feels really tight. I start to shakes bad at times. If my anxiety attack is real bad I will get light headed and have came close to blacking out.”-V.H
“When I am in full panic mode, I am crying uncontrollably, shaking and pacing. I become extremely hot and just want to run away or pace around and at the same time I want to curl up and sleep. The thoughts come fast. What if I am going crazy? Why can’t I handle this I am so weak. People are going to treat me differently they won’t understand and on and on the thoughts go. I catastrophize everything, imagine the worse that could happen in every situation. It is exhausting.” -C.W
“For me, anxiety comes across so different. People can’t tell I’m freaking out, I keep it very internal. I get super sweaty, my heart starts racing, I get short of breath, tunneled vision, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest – but I’m still very functional. My best work is done when I’m under a lot of stress and anxiety. If a patient at work is crashing my anxiety sky rockets, but i don’t shut down and I still function completely normal. But when my every day anxiety is high, I isolate myself. I don’t talk. And I get VERY irritable. It’s not the typical “anxiety” that everyone thinks. It also gives me pretty bad stomach aches as well.”-Bethany O.
What stood out to me about this next answer is the self-awareness the author has. I love that she is able to realize what is happening and has a sense of what needs to be done.
“Oh goodness, it really depends. A manifest of anxiety that I have since a child is a panic dream where I am absolutely 100% aware that I am in a panic attack and that my fight or flight has been triggered but there is no real danger, but I can’t pull myself out. It shows up as a waking dream where I can hear my heartbeat in my head and that freaks me out which then makes my heart race faster, which freaks me out more and then…the cycle continues, you get it. As I have grown as an adult this has its own special cope, mainly because I can’t stop it, it consists of self talk, pacing and if needed physical touch by someone to center me (this can also happen over the phone if I am there) – just a little bit of reality to bring me back.
My anxiety OFTEN shows up as hyper activity. I often will feel frustration or anger in place of the “tight chest” feeling and that motivates me into action – it plays very nicely into my high functioning depression. I have gotten better at identifying what this actually looks like to me and am able to (often depending on who I am with) verbalize that I am experiencing some anxiety and need to do a few things.” -Jo C.
The answer below does a great job of going into detail how anxiety can feel internally vs how it looks externally. The author also mentions some themes we've heard from earlier answers.
“Physically: My jaw is constantly clenched, my shoulders are tense (to the point I’ve had to get graston treatments done to get the knots out because they are so bad), I sweat A LOT (which then makes me more anxious), my chest gets tight, and sometimes I’ll catch myself holding my breath. When it gets really bad then I lose my appetite and will actually start vomiting, but that is the worst-case scenario. I struggle with sleeping, I wake up 5+ times a night, have nightmares more nights than not, and toss/turn to the point that my fiancé and I have separate blankets because I destroy them. If I’m having a panic attack then my chest gets tight, it gets really hot, I struggle to catch my breath, I get nauseous, and get something like tunnel vision. The first one I had I thought I was dying; it was absolutely terrifying. Then, after a panic attack I’m normally just drained, physically and mentally.
Mentally: My mind races, I can’t turn my thoughts off. Once I start a downward spiral, it takes over completely and is hard to get myself out of because of how obsessive I am. I constantly am worrying about things in my life and if I don’t have something legitimate to be stressed about (school, work, etc) then my mind makes something up. Even though I LOVE people, I struggle with being in groups or around new people because I am so worried about what they think. In my relationship I am constantly seeking confirmation that everything is okay, and I am loved. I zone out a lot, which I have noticed I do more when my anxiety is high. I will literally just sit and stare at a spot for 10 minutes, just so lost in my own head I don’t know what’s going on around me.” -Carley D.
What I found interesting about the next 2 answers is that they are similar, yet different all at the same time. The authors experience some similar effects; such as a racing heart and fast thoughts. On the other-hand; one author want disappears inside their mind, the other wants to run.
“I haven’t had a panic attack in a long, long time (thankfully!) so I’m not sure that I can adequately describe how it feels. I do remember a sort of sinking feeling in my body, and it’s a sort of head-to-toe sensation of something washing over me. Every day anxiety happens more frequently. Usually my mind will race and race. I think non-stop about things that could happen, no matter how likely they are, and what the outcomes could be. I feel a tightness in my chest, my breathing becomes shallow, and I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders and neck. I get really, really quiet and pretty much disappear into my own head. If I’m not able to head things off with my healthy coping skills, then I begin to feel the anxiety in my gut as well and I often resort to emotional eating at that point. It helps, but only in the short term. To others it probably doesn’t look like anything is happening at all, but in my body it is total chaos.” -K.K
“For me, there are two types of anxiety attacks. The worst one, is when I lose control and by that I mean the anxiety attacks where I get weak, cold sweats, and nauseous. Those anxiety attacks feel like you are dying, like you are losing blood and about to slowly lose conscious. Fortunately they are extremely rare. I have had 2-3 in last 4 years. The second type feels like I am about to have to have a heart attack, like I am too excited. During these I just feel very “on edge” or uncomfortable. I can feel my heart racing extremely fast. During these I just want to run, doesn’t matter where I am. During these I feel like death is imminent if I don’t take immediate action. One time I was the best man at my friends wedding. I was immediately struck with this anxiety attack while standing there. I wanted to run out of there so bad. Standing there while experiencing this anxiety attack was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. These are the most common ones I experience. I seem to have several of these a year.” -Dallas D.
This final answer, I really felt. She goes over a lot of the same signs as previous authors. I think she does an amazing job highlighting the type of thoughts that go through your head when you live with anxiety.
“Generalized anxiety to me feels like obsessive, intrusive thoughts that constantly forecast the worst case scenario. I’ve heard it described as “unproductive anxiety” where it’s just endless looping of worst case scenario thoughts. It’s exhausting to be honest. It’s being at a party and feeling like every single thing you say is stupid and that nobody wants to hear what you have to say, then rehashing said conversation days (weeks? years?) later and berating yourself for saying what you consider to be dumb things, so you don’t even want to go anywhere because you don’t feel like doing the mental gymnastics. It feels like everyone is looking at you and judging you while you walk down the street. It says, “don’t say that, that’s stupid, she just said that,” or “you’re not talking loudly enough” or “you clearly don’t understand what you’re talking about” in your head whenever you try and talk in meetings at work, so you say very little at said meetings while at work.
It felt the worst when I was pregnant and after I had my first daughter. When I was pregnant, I was worried I was going to lose the baby. Every day, all day, I would think, “Oh my god, I didn’t feel her kick enough today, is she okay?”Or “I think I drank too much coffee today, is she going to be okay?” Just CONSTANT worry without any relenting. Then after I had my daughter, it was all consuming anxiety, “Is she breathing? Is she eating enough? Is she getting enough food? Did I swaddle her correctly? Is she going to suffocate? Is she going to wake up in the morning? Is she alive?” I mean, that was unbearable, the thoughts were louder than ever and more intense I could not calm down, I could not, under any circumstances relax and enjoy my baby (or my pregnancy for that matter) because I was anxious as hell. It was like a nightmare if I’m being honest.
Now, in addition to having generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety, I have also experienced panic attacks. These happened off and on for about a year while I was living in New York City. It was terrible. The first one I remember like it was yesterday. For about 2 weeks leading up to the attack, I was getting nervous that I was going to choke on my food. Like, I was barely eating because I was afraid I was going to choke and die while swallowing. Then one night I was in my bedroom and I felt my heart racing so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack, then I felt very clearly that I was going to separate from body and no longer exist, I know that sounds absolutely bonkers, but it’s the only way I can describe it, I thought I was quite literally going insane, it was a feeling of unreality. I told my roommate at the time, “I think I’m going to die, you need to call an ambulance.” He said to me, “You’re having a panic attack, I’ve had those before, come here I’ll help you.” Then he took me and laid me down in bed, put some music on and held my hand, he just kept talking to me saying, “It’s okay, you’re safe, do you hear the music?” He was so nice, and what luck he was there to help me!”-Jennifer Moses
Finding Similarities
You’ve just been let into 13 strangers’ minds. They’ve let you understand a bit more about their mental health and how it looks and feels for them to live with anxiety everyday. When thinking about making this post, I realized it is not my place to analyze these answers. What the individuals above have recorded IS THEIR TRUTH. It is their own words about their own mental health. Who am I to try to understand or decode what the meaning is for them?
Although I will not be breaking down any of the above answers, I did find some similarities in the responses.
Most people experience a racing heart, racing mind, a feeling of chaos, and shortness of breath. Some are able to keep it inside and never let a soul know what they are battling, others have physical symptoms as well. Some report running, pacing, being “hyper active”, while others report growing silent and distant.
What I find most fascinating about this whole experience is that many people are saying the SAME THING, but the level that they understand about it can differ, which makes the entire experience unique to each person. Two people with anxiety can experience a racing mind, but the level of understanding of this chaotic thought process can differ and completely change the persons response to it. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but a main difference I see is between people who have gone to therapy or sought help vs those who have not.
I, myself, have not utilized therapy (But,I plan on it). From some peoples’ responses I saw my own anxiety and traits of what I go through. What I mainly noticed though, is how the people have had therapy can better describe what they’re going through and UNDERSTAND the causes and what must be done. They are able to use the tools they’ve learned to cope with their anxiety. Even though we may be feeling the same things, they are prepared to deal with it better.
With that being said………..
Tune in Next Week for Part 3: How do you manage your anxiety, what methods have worked for you?
If you would like to share your experiences with anxiety or be a part of The Many Faces of Anxiety, email Emburnfitness@gmail.com